Aged aphorsisms: standing the test of time

Anon.

Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to every man. Isn’t that an ironic time for a guy to get those odds?

You know when you have reached middle age when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.

You’re getting old when you don’t care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don’t have to go along.

It’s better to be over the hill than under it.

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere.

Middle age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have begun to grow in middle.

You’re getting old when “getting lucky” means you find your car in the parking lot.

Someone has described heaven as a family reunion that never ends. What could hell possibly be like? Home
videos of the same reunion?

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you’re into middle age when you realise that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

At my age, “getting a little action” means I don’t need to take a laxative.

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through parliament.

You’re getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn’t do anything the night before.

The cardiologist’s diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

It’s hard to be nostalgic when you can’t remember anything.